Letigious Idiocy in Texas

I think this sort of thing is going to bring about the collapse of civilization. I think I want to take this opportunity to talk to you, Mary Helen Lachuga.

Mary Helen (may I call you Mary Helen?), I find it difficult to believe that you "... felt pain and didn't know what he [Superintendant Lorenzo Garcia] was going to do next." He was high-fiving all the principals. Did you think he had suddenly decided to give you a beat down right there in front of everybody? No, Mary Helen, what's happening here is obvious. You are angry at him and you decided not to high-five him. Good enough, and maybe you would have some principals on your side (I don't know why you were demoted. I'm giving you the shadow of the doubt here). So Mr. Garcia, left awkwardly hanging, "taps" (I'm quoting the news story, I assume it came from your complaint) you on the forehead and moves on. Undignified, yeah. A bad idea? I suppose.

But you saw your opportunity, didn't you Mary Helen? You could make up for all the embarassment, all the humiliation. Assault! How dare he! A personal attack! I'll make him pay!

But Mary Helen, it backfired. Google your name. Go ahead. See those first forty or fifty results? They are all blogs, headlines and radio shows ridiculing you.

I can't really blame you though, Mary Helen. Our society sees your behavior as normal, as expected. I'm sure you thought this was a very good idea. I'm sure your lawyer told you that EPISD had deep pockets, and you'd be set for life. That's hard to resist, I know. It's like a guaranteed lottery win.

Greed, Mary Helen. It got you, just like it's digging it's claws into the hearts of most Americans. And who is feeding that monster on your chest, that demon with a plasma-screen, lemon-scented, high MPG face? That's right, Mary Helen, it's the corporations that own this country.

Mary Helen, I am going to ask you to do something brave. I'm asking you to call your lawyer and tell him that this thing is over. Then I want you to call the local news station and say "Man, that was a crazy idea. I don't know what I was thinking. Sorry everybody."

If you do that, people will start to respect you again. You can start to respect yourself. I know you must be suffering under some image issues, otherwise why would you start this whole thing?

You need to do some self-discovery, Mary Helen. Maybe yoga or meditation. Let this thing go, Mary Helen. For the good of the country.